KellanStec

I typically don’t care about the Oscar awards until I found out that Al Gore won an Oscar for his documentary, An Inconvenient Truth. Before I start, it should be revealed that I have not seen this film. Yet. I do plan on seeing it in the near future to see what the big deal is. I suppose I should have seen it before I go on criticizing it, but it’s not like I have a reputation on the line. For my purposes I think my opinion would be unaltered had I seen the film or not. Throughout this post, you will see me spouting satirical global warming hysteria jabs directed towards Al Gore. Although I praise him for inventing the Internet, I still believe he is a giant douche.

Don’t get me wrong, the Earth probably is warming. Something should probably be done to at least decelerate the effects of warming. It also cools a lot. Obviously it has warmed at least enough to bring us out of the ice age we were in about ten thousand years ago. It’s natural for a planet to go through periods of warming and cooling. What I am not convinced of, though, is that the planet’s warming is a direct result of human activity.

But how do we know that the Earth is even warming? The weathermen can barely predict the weather for the next week accurately. Sure, we can look at graphs and see a warming trend, but who’s to say where it ends? We don’t know how the Earth’s climate changes over long periods of time, because we have only been logging temperature data for a little over 150 years. Don’t forget that there was once a global cooling hysteria that looked equally convincing at the time.

Alright, so that was thirty years ago. Their science was inferior to our science, obviously. But could you not also say the same thing about their methods of obtaining temperature? Maybe they were off by a degree in the negative direction–especially in the 1800s. This illegitimizes the principle of global warming–that we’re seeing a warming trend since temperatures started to be logged.

It just bothers me when people like Al Gore make it seem like humans are intrinsically evil. Other factors of global warming, such as volcanic activity and solar warming are commonly ignored. Mars is warming up too, you know. So, those polar animals are going extinct? It happens. A conservative estimate of the percentage of all species that have gone extinct is 95%. Many animals went extinct both before and after the earth’s last ice age.

I also have yet to see any persuasive effects of global warming. If it’s so super duper serial, why aren’t I ablaze under the February sun? It just snowed six inches Saturday night. The ground has not been free of snow for well over a month. It’s cold. The more intelligent penguins would be well-advised to migrate to Nebraska. Take a look at the graph again. The record anomalies are about +.42° and -.53° C. The record anomaly is .95° lower than the record high. We are talking about temperature changes of less than a degree. Wow, it would sure suck if the early meteorologists were off by .2°.

Al Gore is here to tell you that manbearpig–I mean global warming–most certainly exists. And he’s serial. It doesn’t care who you are, or what you’ve done–global warming is out to get you. And someday, when the world is rid of global warming everyone will say, “Thank you Al Gore! You’re awesome!” Should we take him seriously? Who knows?

Excelsior!